Surreptitious Love
by cutie-pie16
Summary: *Chapter 2 up!*Something bad happened to Sanzo..n goku comforts him....then, love blooms...but something happened splitting thier love...pls r/r. sanzo/goku of coz!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer : As usual….don't own it. Kazuya Minekura sensei does. wails

Note : Just a short lime. **Mild** shounen-ai. Just felt like writing this. Ok…here's the story, Goku rescued Sanzo from the youkais that captured him. Little does he know that Sanzo was um….._raped_ by those youkais…….for a reason……the youkais threatened to harm Goku, and Sanzo refused and gave himself in for that. Hehe…and after rescuing him, Sanzo just acted normal to everyone else. Typical Sanzo. Hiding all his feelings and emotions under a cold mask. Until one night….

~  *  ~  *  ~  *

_"Let me go!" Sanzo glared at the youkais that were now nearing him._

_"Ooh….do you think we ever are that stupid to ever let you go?" the youkai replied_

_"Kuso!" cursed Sanzo under his breath. His hands were binded with heavy shackles that pinned him to the wall, and his legs were no less._

_"Let's see……I'll just _meet _your loyal pet and tell him to get you back..with a price to pay…." he said._

_"Touch him and you die!"_

_"I'm scared…."_

_"Do whatever you want with me….and leave that kid alone!"_

_"Did I just hear anything? Just anything?" the youkai asked._

_"As long as you don't hurt him!"_

_"Ooh…that's different. Hmm…you look too pretty to be a monk….why don't we……._dirty _you instead?" he youkai said, an evil grin curling up at the side of his lips._

_"Nani?!" Sanzo exclaimed._

_"Well…..don't worry. I'll make sure it doesn't hurt….oh, no…not a single bit….wait, scratch that….make it _we_," the youkai said, grinning from side to side._

_"No!!!!!!!" was all that came out from Sanzo's lips before his was crushed together with the filthy mouth of that of a youkai._

_The very youkai made a move for his robes….then his jeans….then his black-leather……Sanzo closed his eyes and dreaded every passing second, for a second was like an eternity to him. He felt so dirty, so filthy, so polluted, so stained. He felt his whole body was being dominated by those dirty youkais, exploring the whole of him, taking his soul, and leaving black marks all over him with the scars they made on his body. Those scars on his body will fade, but not the scar in his soul. All those youkais took their turn fucking him non-stop._

**_[Yes..I know…I'm mean……]_**

****

_They left him there, now fully clothed, laying on the floor like a lifeless body, waiting for someone to collect his corpse. It was the moment when he heard the voice, a deadly familiar voice. _Goku's _voice. He barged in through the dark cell and killed all the weak youkais which a swift of his nyoibo and moved into the place where Sanzo lied, and held out a hand to him…………_

Sanzo opened his eyes. He had had a dream. Wait, scratch that, a _nightmare_ which seemed to happen a week ago. That horrible incident. His head started to throb in pain when he heard a soft voice calling him.

"Sanzo? Are you okay?" Goku's young voice said.

Sanzo ignored those words and walked towards the balcony, and fished out a cigarette from his packet.

"Sanzo? I know something's bothering you, tell me. Please. Tell me what it is that bothers you so much," Goku said, coming out to the balcony as well.

"Urusai, baka saru," was all that came out from the blonde beauty.

Failing to control his feelings anymore, Goku moved over to Sanzo, and hugged him as tightly as possible.

"Nanda?" Sanzo said, surprised.

"Sanzo….._aishiteru…._" Goku whispered softly into his ears, soft but loud enough for Sanzo to hear.

The cool night's breeze blew through them, creating a calming sound in the background. The night shone with a galaxy of stars and there was enough light shining from the full moon, just enough for Sanzo to look down, deep into those big, golden orbs. The orbs that portrayed pure innocence. Innocence as pure as the water flowing from the waterfall, innocence that should not be shattered by any evil. The gold in his eyes reflected back a different of eyes. Eyes that shone of the colour of bluish-purple, wild violet. Sanzo returned Goku's hug and held him in an embrace, all the while stroking his ruffled chocolate brown hair.

"_Ore mo….aishiteru," _he whispered back, with a smile, which only Goku could make out.

Goku layed his head down onto Sanzo's broad chest, and looked up at the glittering stars, all the while listening to the steady beat of Sanzo's pulse. Linking their hands together, they rested their eyes, and listened to the beautiful rhythm that wind danced in, making Goku shiver in chill. 

"Goku," Sanzo said softly.

Goku looked up to the elder one.

Sanzo held him close, wrapping his warming arms around Goku's waist, looked deep into his eyes once again, and said, "I love you." Then he leaned in, tilted Goku's chin, and there, they kissed delicately under the moonlit curtain of black, each not willing to give in to the other.

Breaking the kiss, Sanzo whispered, "It's getting cold out here. Let's get in."

The youth nodded in agreement and let the older one drag him in. The moment they were in, Sanzo pinned Goku down on the bed, and kissed him on the tip of his nose, giving a hint that he wants to kiss him. Goku obediently reacted to the blonde's actions and kissed him back in return, making the priest moan in return. They kissed for like a few minutes until Goku broke it for the lack of oxygen.

A soft moan in hunger escaped through Sanzo's throat. Instead, Sanzo started trailing butterfly kisses along Goku's neck, his collarbone, everywhere. Sanzo then snaked his hands under Goku's loose shirt, and felt the skin underneath shiver at the contact. He then, slowly took Goku's shirt at the same time when Goku undid his.

Sanzo was filled with awe as he explored the newly revealed bronze skin. Goku, on the other hand was lost in ecstasy the minute he saw those pale soft skin that was freed from the grasps of the black leather that clung like a second skin. 

Sanzo found the scars at the youth's body interesting and licked at it softly with his tongue. Goku, knowing that his master was a few steps ahead of him, didn't want to lose either. Only he noticed those soft and deep cuts were barely noticible on the blonde's skin even though he was wounded so many times by their enemies. He was having a little "treasure hunt" game with those scars on Sanzo's body. He found the scar that Rikudo had made at the side of his master's when he tried to protect Goku from getting hurt by Rikudo. He also found the scar that was made when Homura slashed through Sanzo's body to get the _Maten Kyoumon._ After filling up his curiosity with Sanzo's wounds, Goku started making his way down to Sanzo's belt.

"Be patient," Sanzo murmured teasingly.

Goku wanted to react to his words, but was overcome by a sudden pain in his chest. Goky closed his eyes tight trying to subdue the sudden pain.

_Not this time. Not now. Please. Not now._ Goku thought.

Sanzo figured out that something was wrong with his newfound lover, and asked, "Are you okay?"

A muffled "Hmphh" was heard from the youth.

Dissatisfied with the answer, Sanzo got off Goku and plopped on the bed next to him and asked again, "Goku, please, answer me honestly, are you okay?"

Goku still held his eyes shut tightly. _Yes, I am!_ Goku really wanted to answer him, but not a single word came out from his throat.

"Goku, I think I'll bring you to Hakkai since there will not be any doctor here at a time like this," Sanzo said, worried.

Goku got all the strength he had upon him and managed a smile and said, "No. I'm okay. I think I'm just a bit too tired. Just need a bit of a rest. That's all. I'll be okay by tomorrow."

"Okay, then have some rest," Sanzo said, still worried.

Sensing that his guardian still wasn't assured of his answer, Goku said, "Okay, if you're still worried……then…." Goku smiled cheekily.

"Then what?"

"Then……would you mind me sleeping in your arms?" Goku said, blushing.

"Oh….." Sanzo said, flushing a light shade of crimson.

"It's okay then. I'll sleep on the floor, as usual," Goku said, starting to move down.

Sanzo got hold of Goku's frail hand and pulled him into an embrace which only he could offer and said, "No. Don't expect me to leave you all alone there sleeping on the solid floor. I won't accept such stuff."

After saying those words, Sanzo placed Goku down sleeping on his and which was laid on the bed. Looking down at Goku's angelic sleeping face, he bent down, and kissed Goku's forehead gently. The kissed one stirred a little in his sleep, but smiled as Sanzo's lips made contact with his forehead, and voiced softly, "_Sanzo…zutto zutto aishiteru."_

"_Baka saru._ He's dreaming again," Sanzo muttered under his breath with a smile, and he himself laid his back on the bed, and fell asleep, his left hand, still under Goku's head.

The next morning…… 

Sanzo was awakened by the shining rays of golden sunlight emerging from the open window. The cool morning wind was blowing through the open gaps of the window causing the curtains to fly freely across the window. 

He found out that the place next to him was vacant.

_Goku…….doko da….._he thought to himself, his hand running freely to his messy hair.

Perhaps he went out for food…… 

Then, he heard footsteps running through the corridor nearer and nearer. Then, as he had expected, the door to his room slammed open, but the early visitor was _totally_ unexpected. There stood the green-eyed brunette with a worried look obviously stated at his face. His usual smile was not there, so Sanzo sensed that something was wrong. _Very _wrong.

"Sanzo….." Hakkai said, his voice hoarse.

"What?"

"I'm so sorry to say this but….." Hakkai continued, sadness in his voice.

"Blurt it out and stop wasting time. I don't have the whole day with you," Sanzo snapped, frustrated at the pauses.

"It's Goku…." he trailed off.

"What 'bout that _baka saru_?" Sanzo said, putting his robes in place.

"He….He's unconscious," Hakkai said.

"WHAT?! What happened to him?" Sanzo said, sur[rised at what came out from the brunette's mouth.

"Well…..I don't know….all I know is that when we were breakfast this morning, he fainted all of a sudden. I've called the doctor, he'll be coming anytime now," Hakkai explained, the sad tone never leaving his face.

"Where is he now?" Sanzo said.

"He's in our room."

And with that, Sanzo rushed into the room where Goku as in. When Sanzo was in, Hakkai motioned for Gojyo to leave the room, and give them some time together.

When Gojyo was out, Sanzo said softly, "Goku….wake up….it's me…"

Goku flickered his tired eyes open. He was blooming with happiness when he saw who was calling him. "Sanzo!" He said through a weak voice, managing the best smile he could, and lifted up his hands for his guardian to hold.

"Don't….don't force yourself…..have some rest……" Sanzo said, getting hold of Goku's hand.

"No…it's okay…..I just want to tell you that….that…"

"Tell me what?" Sanzo questioned, placing the hands on his cheek.

"That….I will never leave you no matter what happens……and……please….promise me something….." Goku trailed off.

"Anything. Just say it. I promise I'll do the best I could," Sanzo said, sadly.

"Promise me……be by my side no matter what happens…please….and never leave me no matter what…..please…..please…" Goku said, tears welling in his eyes.

Seing those sad tears, Sanzo quickly brushed them away with his fingers, for he can't stand looking into those citrine eyes that were once filled with hope and joy, now filled with nothing but sadness and pain in them. "Yes. I promise."

After hearing Sanzo say those words, as if it were magic, Goku let sleep take over him. And, making sure that Goku slept, Sanzo silenly left the room, and walked out of the inn.

~*~*~*

Sanzo turned open the doorknob of the room and walked in. He had been out for three hours now, wandering to wherever his legs took him to. Both Gojyo and Hakkai were sitting by the bedside with grim looks on their faces.

"Had the doctor came?" Sanzo asked softly, for the young one was still asleep.

"_Un_. Sanzo, let's talk outside," Hakkai said, and motioned Sanzo to go out with him, leaving Gojyo together with the sleeping Goku.

~*~*~*

Gojyo looked solemnly at the sleeping Goku's face. 

How peaceful he looks, with that blissful face of his. But….why? Why must you do that to us? Why must you keep all those a secret?

You should have told us all about it and we can think of a way…..baka saru….you kept all those to yourself and hid them all behind your smile which we thought was real……but it wasn't…please…don't leave us….promise me this……please don't sleep for too long…..don't sleep past the time that you are supposed to……

~*~*~*

"What? What did the doctor say about him?" Sanzo asked, lighting a cigarette.

"Sanzo…promise me…..don't over react when you hear his….please," Hakkai voiced out.

"So many promises to be made. Fine. Okay, Okay," Sanzo muttered.

"Okay, this is what the doctor said…." Hakkai's voice trailed off.

"What? Quick!" Sanzo urged. He could have killed him for leaving him in curiosity.

"He said that…….he said that…." Hakkai said, and his voice broke. He lifted his finger to brush the single tear away.

"WHAT?!"

"He said that….Goku………has cancer…….and he…..only has three months left to live……" Hakkai said, and crystal tears escaped from his green eyes.

Sanzo dropped the cigarette that he was holding. "You're lying. I know you are. That _saru_ is perfectly _genki_. He will _never_ have cancer! The doctor's a phony one. Get another one!" He shouted, tears in his eyes.

"No, it's true. According to the doctor, he said that Goku already knew that he said cancer a few months ago, for the doctor's friend was the one that checked on Goku…" Hakkai said.

"Is there a cure?! Give him the cure no matter what it is. No matter how much it costs me, I'll pay for it, okay? Now, quick! Get the cure RIGHT THIS MINUTE!" Sanzo shouted, shaking his head.

"Sanzo…..why don't you go in and accompany Goku? I guess, you're the one that he wants to see right now," Hakkai suggested.

"Ch~." Even though he said so, his heart was bursting with the urge to go into the room immediately.

Noticing Sanzo entering the room, Gojyo said, "Keep watch of this _baka saru, na,agusa bouzu."_ None of them was in the mood to joke around, Sanzo just ignored the remarks and just took Gojyo's seat, and took out another cigarette.

"Don't smoke, _bouzu_," Gojyo snickered.

"Ch~"

Making sure that Gojyo was out of the room, Sanzo settled himself on the wooden chair beside the crumply bed, and next, he placed his right hand on top of Goku's forehead, and kissed the spot just beneath the golden diadem, and whispered softly, _"Aishiteru."_

This youth stirred a bit in his peaceful sleep, but nonetheless continued sleeping, an angelic smie forming in his cherry-pink lips, as though knowing that his lover was here. 

I hear a voice…whose voice is it? 

_I miss him……I miss him so much….._

_We've been always together……_

_He's shining……This voice……..I feel as if…..as if I should never forget him…..ever……_

_From a long time ago……..Whose voice is this?_

_It seems so familiar……..I know…….This voice……Sanzo…….it's his……._

_The touch……the scent…..the warmth…..it's his……..his voice sounded so far……..yet it's so near………he always sounded strong and loud…..yet soft at the inside……..behind the icy façade…….that he used to put on…….he has a soft side of himself……._

Goku had a soft smile even when he's sleeping.

Baka saru….smiling even though he's sleeping…….must've been dreaming……I've always envied him…….being ever so tough…..he has to hide everything behind that smile of his……those whines of his…..

_I had something that I wanted to protect…..I knew how helpless I was for the first time when I lost it……._

_My hands are full just taking care of myself…protecting myself……_

_Then, I thought I wanted something that I didn't have to protect……._

_It was him. Goku. He had changed my life ever since he came._

_Life was as boring as usual….but ever since his presence…….my life changed…..there was a light……a light to guide me…..guiding me to live…..guiding me to move on……..guiding me to continue living for a reason………a reason to live it is…..even though he annoys me…..I knew all along what he wanted was just my attention……but….little does he know, that he actually got my attention ever since the day I decided to bring him along……he was different from the others….he possesses this light that no one else has…….a light that shines my heart…..a light that lights my long-dimmed heart……ever since the day when o-shishou sama was killed…..he was the key…the key that opens the door…..the door that closes me from others…….the door that closes me from the world outside……and he was the key…….the key to unlock everything and brought me out to face the world outside……bit by bit……just to face the polluted world outside…….then…I knew that I was just living a dream last time…..the days before he came….living as a human……with no feelings towards others……he was my light even though he calls me his sun……he was my light, he was my feelings, he was my everything…….but soon…..he'll be gone…….he'll be leaving……forever…..leaving me, once again……left alone in this annoying world out here…….._

How can he do that to me…..how can he? Brought me out to this world and left me alone after that…..this just isn't it…….this isn't the way it's supposed to be……he's just a kid after all……why must he die so soon? Why??!!! Why must it be so unfair? A happy kid like him, having such a short life, not being able to fulfill his wishes…….not being able to live his life to the limits…..and he has to leave so soon……yet, those people out there who lived for ages and never dies……yet, he's dying a such a young age…….and, I…can't do a thing about it……I feel as helpless as I once was…..the first time when I lost someone……that I treasured so much……now…..I have to face the fact, once again….someone that I loved so much……his death…..I can't run from the fact……I just can't…..

Sanzo covered his face with both his hands and sobbed, silently. Then, he heard a faint voice, a faint voice that was calling his name, "Sanzo……Sanzo….."

He brushed those tears away, and lifted up his face slowly. There, was Goku looking back at him, deep into his sad violet gaze. Instead of lifeless golden orbs, they were wide golden orbs, which were filled with both hope and love, eyes that were shinier than those of a healthy person, yet this child over here is a dying person.

He forced a fake smile and said, "Goku, you're awake."

"Sanzo…..please…don't cry….." Goku said, sadly, but he was smiling.

"You knew…….you knew it all along….." Sanzo said accusingly.

"I knew what?" Goku asked innocently.

"You knew all the while that you had cancer……..why didn't you tell us about it?" Sanzo said, angrily.

"No……" Goku managed to say. "…..I didn't want to tell this because…….because….." Goku can't hold it any longer, and burst into tears.

"Because what?"

"It was that fateful day…..the day when I came back after knowing about it….." Goku said the last word filled with hatred, for what it did to him, his life, and everyone that cared about him.

"When I came back, everyone was so happy, as though the news was some of a celebration. Everyone looked so happy, including you, Sanzo….." Goku said, sadly.

"What?" Sanzo said, looking up.

"Yes, you were. I could tell from your eyes. You were in a good mood that day, of course it wasn't raining. Hakkai was so cheerful, Gojyo was whistling happily, and you…….you were talking to them, which was totally unusual of you to do so….." Goku continued.

"So……_that_ was the day when you found out about that?" Sanzo said, shocked. "But you…but you were….."

"Yes…I know. I _looked_ so happy, with my smile and everything. Never knew it would work though, but you guys were too happy to notice it. _All_ of you looked so happy, so I decided to not break your mood, and instead, play along with you all…..and I kept it a secret till now……when the doctor came….my body betrayed me……fainted at the wrong time……remember the night before? When I was in pain? It wasn't any normal pain….it was the effect….I didn't want to break the happy moment……but, it was worth it…." Goku said, with a gloomy smile.

"Worth it?"

"Yes. I made you happy. You were happy. I was happy. Both of us were happy. As long as Sanzo is happy, then I'm happy. That's it. Simple," Goku said.

"It isn't…….it isn't worth it….in fact…._I'm _not worth it, Goku….." Sanzo said, struggling to keep those tears from falling, but failed.

"It is. As long it is anything to do with you, it is….." Goku smiled.

"No…please don't say so, Goku….please……no…….you'll hurt me more….." sanzo denied, shaking his head.

"Okay…..Sanzo….remember your promise….remember……" Those were his last words before he fell unconscious to the bed.


	2. If Only

Disclaimer : As usual….don't own it. Kazuya Minekura sensei does. wails

Note : Wow…..chapter 2! So fast! Haha! Just had _some_ inspiration….so….decided to write it before I forget about it….haha….XD…..well….Goku has cancer….and will die soon….and Sanzo's really sad about it….v_v *sob sob* hehe…ISH! The stupid formatting screwed up….the _supposed-to-be italic_ words just AREN'T italic! Ish! :@:@:@….so..i'm not sure whether the stupid formatting will screw up _again_ in this chapter..so..sorry….. ^^;;;

~  *  ~  *  ~  *

After making sure that his pet is in good condition, Sanzo settled himself down on the wooden chair again, and took out a cigarette.

He kept the cigarette back into where it was. _No, I shouldn't be smoking at a time like this. Goku's sick. I should control myself from smoking._

He was there when I was out of my way…..he was there when I felt the dirtiest…..stained by all those youkais……but….yet…he was there, supporting me all along…now…he has to die…..

Throughout the duration of three months, Goku had hardly eaten…but he did eat a few of the food that Hakkai cooked, and of course his body grew thinner and thinner as months passed. He can't talk for long, for he will cough out some blood in the middle of his sentence. As each day passes, his sickness got worst. And, as for Sanzo, all he could do was just stare at the sleeping Goku hoping that he will wake up and look at the blue skies once again, and be a _genki saru_ once again, and never sleep forever. Sanzo had taken care of Goku every day, day and night, sitting through sleepless nights, just taking care of his beloved pet and also his young lover.

Hakkai and Gojyo was worried about Sanzo's condition, for he hardly ate anything, and didn't have any sleep. Until one day…..

"Um…Sanzo?" Hakkai said as he approached Sanzo.

"Nani?" came a feeble voice.

"Can have a talk with you for a moment?"

"I guess so…"

"Um…..we received this letter from the doctor..and it said….." Hakkai trailed off.

"What? What did it say? Is there a cure?!" Sanzo said, suddenly energetic, and a faint glint of hope lit in his lost violet eyes.

"Well….yes….but…"

"But what?!"

"But…I don't Goku will accept it."

"Why not?! It's _his_ cure….and he _must_ accept it no matter what…I'll force him to," Sanzo said, angered.

"No……he won't leave…"

"What do you mean by he won't leave?" Sanzo said.

"The doctor said that there's a cure in a foreign hospital…..which is not in Japan….." Hakkai explained.

"So?"

"But….Goku will never leave you……no matter what happens to him…."

"No…no……."

"So…Sanzo…could you do us a favor?"

"What?"

"Leave Goku, please….."

"WHAT?!" Sanzo exclaimed.

"But….it's for his own good….think about it, Sanzo."

There was a long pause of silence.

At last, Sanzo sighed heavily, and said, "Okaaay….."

Night came…and the moment that Sanzo dreaded most came…..

"Goku…..I think Sanzo has something to say to you…" Hakkai said, and exited the room, leaving the two of them in the room.

"Okay," Goku said, managing a weak smile.

"Um……Goku?" Sanzo said, his voice came out hoarsely.

"Nani?" Goku said, happiness in his voice.

"I want to tell you something…..but….please….don't over re-act…okay?"

"Un."

"Actually…..I….I……never did…..love you…..I was just using you. Using you as a toy. To contain my needs…I never did love you with my heart….never did..okay? NEVER DID! So…..could you please leave me alone and go cure your sickness! Listen, I NEVER did love you!!!!!" Sanzo said out, and ran out of the room.

Those words stung Goku's ears like poison. _I NEVER did love you, okay?_ Those words rang in Goku's ears repeatingly. Goku buried his face into the pillow, and cried in it through the whole night.

~ * ~ * ~ *

Sanzo leaned his back against the hard surface of the wooden door that he just slammed close, and hid his face in his hands, and sobbed.

Why? Of course I love you with all my heart..what's my life without you? I'm sooo sorry I said those words……sorry..I'm sooooo sorry….I could never have done that….but there's no other way to make you go to cure your sickness…please…..go…..I'm sooo sorry, I know you'll hate me now….but….please….I don't mean it..really…..

Sanzo went back to his room, and cried himself to sleep.

~ * ~ * ~ *

- _Easy it is to hurt someone who loves us,_

_Difficult it is to heal the wound….. –_

- _Easy it is to talk without thinking,_

_Difficult it is to refrain the tongue. –_

- _Easy is to promise something to someone,_

_Difficult it is to fulfill that promise. –_

- _Easy it is to say we love,_

_Difficult it is to show it every day. –_

~ * ~ * ~ *

"Sanzo, I'm leaving," Goku said solemnly with his head down, as he went out of the inn along with Hakkai and Gojyo.

There was no reply. The priest still had his face buried below the stack of newspaper that he was reading.

A day after Goku left, Sanzo went to the hospital for Hakkai told him that the day was the day when Goku is supposed to have his operation.

Sanzo was walking left to right, right to left, left to right in front of the operating room where Goku is currently in now.

Goku….please….come out safely….please…please….please..there's a lot of things that I need to tell you..please……

~ * ~ * ~ *

Sanzo jumped up as soon as he saw the surgeon who was operating Goku come out of the operating room.

Immediately, he said, "How is Goku? Is he going to be okay? When can I see him?""

The surgeon shook his head and replied, "I'm sorry. We did all we could."

Sanzo started shaking the doctor's shoulders hardly, and shouted, "Why must _he_ get cancer?! Out of all those stupid _fucking_ people out there….._HE_ got cancer! Don't god care anymore? He believes in them…..not me! So….God, where the hell were you when he needed you so much?!"

"Mind your language and please calm down, _Genjo-san_. One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes to let you spend time with Goku's remains before they are transported to the university for research," the doctor said, gently brushing off Sanzo's tightening grip on his aching shoulder.

The nurse stayed with Sanzo while he took a last look and had the last moment with his lover.

Sanzo ran his fingers through Goku's thick brown hair, his eyes never leaving his angelic face. 

Noticing this, the nurse said, "Would you like a lock of his hair?"

Sanzo nodded sadly, yes. The nurse cut a lock of Goku's chocolate brown hair, put it into a plastic bag, and handed it to Sanzo.

Sadly, Sanzo voiced out, "It was Goku's idea to give his body to the university for research. He said it might help somebody else, and that was what he wanted. I said no at first, but then he said, with those big, innocent eyes of his, 'Sanzo, I wouldn't be using it after I die, maybe it will help some other little boy to be able to spend some time with the person they love a lot, unlike me'. He had a heart of Gold, always thinking of someone else and always wanted to help others if he could. _Baka saru."_

An hour or so later, Sanzo walked out of the hospital, holding all of Goku's things. The drvie back to the inn was hard and it was even harder to enter a vacant room with no one in there, but everything was kept well and neat. He took Goku's golden diadem and his nyoibo and started placing them into place to where they used to be. He laid down across Goku's bed and cried himself to sleep, once again, all the while hugging Goku's pillow close to his chest, Goku's scent never leaving his nose.

~  *  ~  *  ~  *

- _Easy is to forgive others,_

_Difficult is to ask for forgiveness. –_

- _Easy is to dream every night,_

_Difficult is to fight for a dream. –_

- _Easy is to weep for a lost love,_

_Difficult is to take care of it so not to lose it._ –

~  *  ~  *  ~  *

Sanzo woke up about midnight and laying beside him on the bed, was a letter folded up. He opened the letter, it said :

Dear Sanzo, I know you're going to miss me, but don't think that I'll ever forget you or stop loving you because I'm not around to show you my smile nor say "I LOVE YOU." Now, I know that you have said those words for my sake, just for me to go for the operation. I'll think of you everyday, Sanzo, and I'll love you even more each day. Some day, we will see each other again, just as we did in the past. If you want another "pet" so that you wouldn't be so lonely, he can have my place and take my nyoibo and stuff with him. Don't be sad when you think about me, this is really a great place.

_Kanzeon and Nataku met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some places here and there, but it will take me a long time to see everything here, without your presence and guidance, or even you whacking my head with your harisen. The angels here are so friendly, I love to watch them fly, freely to the sky to where they belong. Tentei saw me the first thing, and guess what? I got to sit on his lap and talked to him like I was somebody important! I told him that I wanted to write you a letter and tell you "Good-bye" and everything, but I knew that wasn't allowed. Instead, he handed me some paper and his own personal pen to write you this letter with. I think Gabriel is the name of the angel-nee chan that is going to drop you this letter._

_Tentei said for me to give the answer to one of the questions you asked him about. Where was he when I needed him? He said, "The same place where he is. He was right there, as he always is with all his "children"._

_Oh, and by the way, Sanzo, nobody else can see what is written on this paper but you. To everyone else, it looks like a blank piece of paper. I have to give Tentei back his pen now, he has some more names to write in the Book of Life._

_Tonight, I get to sit at the table with Kanzeon for Supper! Bet the food will be great! Mou, hara hetta! I forgot to let you know – Now, I don't hurt anymore, the cancer is all gone. I'm glad coz I couldn't stand that pain anymore and Kanzeon couldn't stand seeing me suffer the pain either, so, he sent the Angel of Mercy to get me. The Angel said I was Special Delivery! _

Bye! – Goku – 

Hot tears rolled down Sanzo's cheeks as he read the letter, and held it close to him.

"Gokuuu….." Sanzo whispered to the thin air. "_Aishiteru yo…."_

Up above, the said one smiled a sad smile and whispered back, "_Sanzo…ore mo, zutto zutto aishiteru…"_

Sanzo's lifted his head up. _Did I just hear a voice? It sounded so much like Goku's…._

_"Sanzo….don't miss me too much……just go on with your normal life……I'm not worth all your tears that you have never shed for anyone else besides your master, Koumyo Sanzo. Don't, Sanzo, I'm not worth your tears," _Goku said softly, tears swelling in his eyes.

~  *  ~  *  ~  *

- _Easy is to admire a full moon,_

_Difficult is to see the other side. –_

- _Easy is to enjoy life every day,_

_Difficult is to give its real value. –_

- _Easy is to pray every night,_

_Difficult is to find God in small things. –_

- _Easy is to make mistakes,_

_Difficult is to learn from them. –_

- _Easy is to receive,_

_Difficult is to give. –_

- _Easy is to break a lover's heart,_

_Difficult is to mend it back. -_

- _Easy is to keep love with words,_

_Difficult is to keep it with meanings. –_

_      -     The language of love is not words, but meanings. -_

~ To Be Continued ~

Well….how was it? Lame? Okay? Nice? All u have to do……is to click the "submit Review" button down there…hehe =P well……had the inspiration for this chap..but…..the next? I'm soooo totally blank! OMG! Hehe….an suggestions for the next chappie? Pls? Sankyuu! And, oh, yeah! I'm sooooooo sorry if the stupid f*cking formatting screwed up, okay? Gomen, ne. jyaa! Suggestoins and reviews pls!!!!! Sankyuu!


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